thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
whose parrot is this?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
