i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
