I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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