god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I would fuck him just for his dog
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
