the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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