Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
