Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just threw up on my dentist
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
