before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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