Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
