if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
