hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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