Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
