He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
