Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
