3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
