i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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