Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
