Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
