Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
