if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
