Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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