watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize