Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
