I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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