I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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