Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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