you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
