she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize