booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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