Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
