Please, let me fuck your mom
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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