so explain again why im purple
no
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
