does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize