Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
