I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
