I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
