I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
