Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
