so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize