singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
All I want is dick and wine.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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