i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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