You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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