I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
