just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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