a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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