just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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