Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
