I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
