Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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