On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
