brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Im part way to drunk.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
