This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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