He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
