can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
