We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
