Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
