Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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