I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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