My underwear smells like fireworks.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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