he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This toilet bowl is my home.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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