it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
