WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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