She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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