That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
