we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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