you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
40s are totally the cure
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
