Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I love you. Go after that dick
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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