That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
