evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
