this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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