I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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