she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
