whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
