I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize