You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
