I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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