I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
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