I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
