Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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