its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
