we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
