May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
