you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
