please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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