I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
