i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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